dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize