so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize