I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
