To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
