Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
