I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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