everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Holy shit dude........stairs
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
