I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I love you. Go after that dick
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