Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
