can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
