I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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