It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
