Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
