A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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