i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
