I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
