i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
