I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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