Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How does it feel to date your dad?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
