my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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