Well apparently he's into motor boating.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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