I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Jerry, you need to find god
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
