she was so not down for the gang bang
People in love make me want to vomit
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
