Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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