Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
