id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he laminated a picture of his dick.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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