the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
