You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
