Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
