I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
