guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
