I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
