I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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