he puts the penis in happiness.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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