I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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