I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
