it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
