benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
