apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
