It's like God shit irony all over that family
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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