Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
