he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
