Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
