youre lurking in front of me
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
