Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
