Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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