if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
