there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
