those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
