My nipple is on Facebook.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
What a dumb baby whore.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
