Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
