Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
