Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
