I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
