P.S. I can't hear my feet
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
