Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize