Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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