i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize