Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
