i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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