i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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