I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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