arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
