So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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