so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
