I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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