so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He kissed a someone with a penis
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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