all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
