if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Someone signed my nipple.
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