you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
