I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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