He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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