it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
