I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
