Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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