i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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