I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
