I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
