Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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