So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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