moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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