WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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