There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
